I prayed everyday for a healthy baby but I prayed and wanted a healthy baby boy. I have 2 amazing children already. My son is a senior in high school, my daughter is truly the definition of a daddy’s girl, and this time I wanted to birth a son. I would have my momma’s boy and another child to carry on my husband’s name. This would be my last child and I would be ok with that.
Deep down, I felt that my first pregnancy, which ended in a miscarriage, was a boy. I felt that somehow, someway this would make that pain lessen. Having a miscarriage was such a traumatic experience for me and I am still dealing with it to this day. October 13, 2008 will be a day I will never forget.
After finding out that I was having a girl, I was so sad and emotionally confused. I didn’t really show it at the gender reveal party but once I got in the car to go to the restaurant after the reveal, I began to boo-hoo. I gathered myself well enough that no one even noticed. I wiped my face, fixed my eyeliner, put lotion my face so you could not see the dried tear markings, and applied some lipstick. I looked refreshed. No one knew what I was feeling.
As the days went on, I began to really get into a funk but no one knew. I kept it to myself. I would go cry in the closet when no one was around and I use to have conversations with God about how much I prayed for a boy but didn’t get a son. I use to get angry, jealous, and feel worse when I saw other pregnant women announce they were having a boy. Or when I saw women with newborn baby boys, I would get so down in the dumps and my mood would completely change.
All of a sudden my thoughts of being saddened by not having a boy, turned into feeling bad for not appreciating the fact that I was pregnant. Pregnant with a healthy baby… a healthy baby girl at that. For not being grateful on how well I was progressing and was able to do normal things, as if I wasn’t pregnant. I felt guilty for feeling guilty.
I had to do something about this. These feelings, these thoughts, the crying spells, and walking around and going through everyday life as if I am ok.
I decided to open up to my husband because I needed to release all of these emotions and thoughts. The moment I began to talk, the tears began to pour out of my eyes. I unloaded everything and he listened. He heard me. He never interrupted… never judged. I felt so much better.
At that point, after we talked, I began to look into what I was feeling and experiencing. That’s when I came across the term gender disappointment and realized how “normal” and common it was during pregnancy. I learned that it is also something that both parents can experience, not just the pregnant woman.
I began to research how to overcome this and read real life stories of parents who experienced gender disappointment. Here are some tips that I found and used to how do deal with gender disappointment. They actually helped and even when I have a moment, I can regroup and adjust my mindset.
