A Letter To My Daughter, My Raegan, On Your 10th Birthday

To Raegan, my first-born daughter,

You are the one who I prayed for. I continuously prayed and ask that the Lord bless me with an amazing daughter, who was healthy, happy, whole, intelligent, driven, curious with a thirst to want to learn and grow, and would have her fathers eye lashes, eyebrows, and hands and feet.

The Lord blessed me with all of that and more!

I remember January 7, 2010 at 3:03pm like it was yesterday. I was overcome with so many emotions and it was truly love at first sight. I counted your fingers and toes on your right side and your dad counted them on your left. You were perfect! Perfect for me and to me!

You are the one who change my mind so many times on motherhood and unconditional love. You taught me so much about myself and made me want strive to be the best me I can be. I strive each day to be an example for you and even on days where I fall short and make mistakes, I hope and pray you see beyond that and know it is all coming from a place of love and growth.

I know sometimes you feel I may be hard on you or nit-pick about small things like making up your bed, putting your shoes up, and more. I just want to push you and guide you to being your best self. I want you know that the small things matter and small things add up to big things eventually. I am just trying to teach you things you will use in the future and may make your life go a little more smoothly. I hope you understand it is all done out of love and you may not understand it now but when you get older, you will. Trust me, my mom said the same thing to me and I didn’t believe it but when I got older, I actually did understand.

I may not always get being a mother “right” or always do or say the “right” thing but please know I am trying the best I can. No mom is perfect but we strive to be as close to it as possible. I strive to be an example for you to look up to and to learn from. To be that listening ear, shoulder to cry on, open arms to comfort, and more.

So, moving on, you have officially joined the double digits club! You were born 10 years ago and that is:

                  1 whole decade                   3,650 days and nights

                  120 months                           521 weeks

87,600 hours                         5,256,000 minutes

WOW!!!!

Since you are 10, here are 10 things I want you to know:

(1)  I love how determined you are.

2)  I love how you don’t limit yourself and stop yourself from dreaming, using your imagination, and going after what your heart desires.

(3)  I appreciate and love how you strive to do your best.

(4)  I truly believe that you are going to do some amazing things in your lifetime. Things that most people only dream of.

(5)  I love that you love to travel and have this zest to see the world and learn about other cultures.

(6)  I want you to know that you are valuable and worthy. Don’t ever let someone tell you otherwise. You are intelligent, caring, beautiful, and bold! Don’t ever let anyone take your joy and desire to be and achieve more. Let your light shine always!

(7)  I want you to know that life will be hard, there will be highs and lows, disappointments and successes, and tests that will make you second guess choices you’ve made and even make you question your faith. Just remember that you have all the ability within you to get through any troubled times, to enjoy the good and great times, and overcome any obstacles you may face.

(8)  You are beautiful inside and out.

(9)  You are silly and funny, which are also great traits to have. Laughing and helping others laugh is important. Just like the quotes say, “Life is better when your laughing… so laugh until you’re belly hurts and then just a little bit more.”

(10)     I love you so much and I am very proud of you! You are an example of what a great daughter can be and what parents wish their daughters were. I am glad Rylee has you to look up to. You are truly a gift from God and an answered prayer.

Raegan, I look forward to being your forever best friend, dancing to our favorite songs, singing at the top of our lungs, laughing at our corny jokes, continuing to learn from you, watching movies and shows together, and just being your mother. I thank God for you!

I love you infinity + infinity Raegan!

Happy 10th Birthday!

Love,

Mommy

 
RaeganAndParentsOn10thBirthday
 

Small Things May Be Big Things

When the little things are actually big things and mean the world to you. These are some of the best moments that last forever and mean the most.

You see this picture, it brings me so much joy! Why? Because when I was pregnant, my amazing dad, who loves to travel, explore, has the biggest heart, will give his last to help, and loves to speak positivity and faith into others, found out he had Larynx Cancer.

He didn’t tell me and hid it with regular doctors visits stories or played down what the diagnoses was because he didn’t want to upset me and cause me to go into early labor. Plus he knows me and I would’ve hopped on a plane in a snap.

After giving birth to Rylee, I was given the full story and of course I was crushed. Being fully transparent... I cried, I prayed, I questioned, I doubted, I tried to figure out how to get to Los Angeles while healing from a c-section, and even got angry.

Then news came, he needed a 2nd surgery and then needed to do 6+ weeks of radiation treatments. Through it all my dad continued to be positive.

He would always say, “Its not my time yet, I have many more years to live, and I’m going to be fine, and God will make sure I’m ok. I’m not going to worry about this.”

There was only 3 times I saw/heard him get emotional:

•(1) When he finally told me the truth about having larynx cancer.

•(2) When he talked about still not being able to travel to GA to see Rylee in person.

•(3) When he was finally able to really talk, we FaceTimed, and Rylee gave him the biggest smile and interacted with him.

Last month, we flew to Los Angeles and surprised my dad with a quick visit. He had no idea and my sisters were in on it. The minute Rylee and my dad saw each other, it was big kool-aid smiles and laughs. As much as this made his day, it made mine as well!

Fast forward to a few days ago... we have found out that my dad has beat Larynx Cancer and as the doctor’s told him, “You’re all clear!” My dad is cancer FREE!

As the quote says, “The love of a father and daughter knows no distance.” I love you so much dad and congrats on being cancer free!! Thank you God! Won’t He do it!!a

PoppaAndRylee.JPG

Overcrowding Classrooms: Is It On Purpose & The Opinions Of A Former Educator

There is a video that went viral recently of a bullying situation at Creekland Middle School in Georgia. The video shows a 12-year girl taunting another female student. She then picks up a chair and eventually begins hitting the other student with the legs of the chair. As the bully laughs and turns to leave, you can hear the classmates talking and laughing, which encourages her to return for more. This time she physically hits the student in the face. You can see through the video the student being bullied is extremely scared and does nothing to retaliate.  

Of course one of the main questions you hear from viewers being interviewed as well as comments on the Internet is, “Where was the teacher?!?” Now don’t get me wrong, this is a very valid question and of course they found out she was on the other side of the room assisting a student one-on-one. I am not taking up for the teacher, nor am I making light of the situation because this situation is terrible. However, this situation focuses on what I feel is one of the main issues in our public school systems… the overcrowding of classrooms.

Overcrowding in schools happen when the estimated number of students that enroll in schools is exceeded. Overcrowding in our classrooms has become more and more of an issue. It is increasing at such a high rate that in 2011 some states began to put in place an education reform known as CSR – Class-Size Reduction, to help with this. The idea in theory was good, however not truly beneficial. One reason was not all states participated and secondly money diminishes more quickly when you have smaller class sizes. Smaller classes equal more teachers. According to Brookings.edu, “increasing the pupil/teacher ratio in the U.S. by one student would save at least $12 billion per year in teacher salary costs alone…”

So this, in a sense, justifies why I feel education really is not a priority like it should be in our country. When it’s time to reduce funding, typically it will be taken away from education without the blink of an eye. In the example I gave you above, you see they would rather increase the size of classrooms to reduce the amount of money spent for the salaries of teachers… YET they do not reduce the responsibilities, pressure, and expectations of the teachers. So reduce their pay, find ways to cut their financial assistance, and the help and support they get from the school system and their school, all the while expecting them to be miracle workers with our future and do this in an overcrowded classroom with outdated or damaged books, supplies, and technology.

I’m just saying… if you want a doctor to be best at his/her job then you expect them to have the best tools, technology, and they expect to get paid what they deserve not what is “left for them.” If you hire a landscaping company to maintain your yard and do their best work each time, then you expect them to have top-notch equipment and tools, and trust me they will not keep your yard looking it’s best if you pay them less than they deserve. How about cleaning companies, dentists, cable companies, chefs, plumbers, etc.? Get the point now?!?

 
overcrowded classroom
 

Here are my 2 cents on this topic and I am speaking from the standpoint of a former educator who actually dealt with overcrowded classrooms and as a parent who takes education seriously for my children.

Overcrowding in the public school system affects:

(1) Learning in the classroom:

Imagine walking into crowded hotel meeting room, where you are largely outnumbered, you can see and hear there are many different side conversations going on, and you have to get everyone’s attention to make an announcement without a microphone. How long do you think it will take to get everyone’s attention, keep their attention, be able to talk over all of them, and deliver your message?

Even though this example is not directly related to a classroom and I know there are way more people in that hotel meeting room than a classroom but the relevancy of the example still holds true. Why? Because when you have an overcrowded classroom this is what you encounter on a daily basis. As a teacher, you may have your classroom expectation and structure set up. Therefore, the students may know what they should and shouldn’t be doing and they even know what is expected of them. Now, stop for a moment and truly take into consideration what a teacher has to do before she even starts teaching her class:

  • Welcome the students into her classroom from wherever they just came from and in many situations there is a “calm down” moment. They could have been talking and laughing with friends, just had a bad experience at home or with another student or teacher, just finished having fun in a Physical Education (P.E.) class, etc.

  • Take attendance, which means all of the students have to be accounted for. If the class is overcrowded then of course it takes longer. Yes, you can have a system set up and even delegate this role to a very responsible student but again it takes up the time set aside for teaching.

  • Now it’s time to teach the lesson of the day, right? Nope, there are warm-ups, which are review type material to make sure the students understand what you have taught so far and then you have to go over these answers. Finally it's time to transition them and get them ready to learn the lesson. You know just as well as I know, kids will talk, won’t have supplies, have to find them what they need or have them borrow from other students, and now more time has passed. Honestly, if you are given 55 minutes of class time, you are really only teaching about 30-35 minutes after all is said and done.

  • Now with this class period, teachers are required to teach, interact one on one with students, make learning fun and find way to make the information “stick”, teach them to be able to “pass the standardized tests”, differentiate (modify to reach the different learning levels and styles of each student and the class as a whole), do group work, review, quiz/test, and MORE.

So how much can you really teach and accomplish in an overcrowded classroom? Can you imagine the interruptions? the questions? How many students can you really get one on one with, and how many times do you think the teacher has to stop to redirect the class of minors? Plus so much pressure is put on the teacher to be miracle workers with students and better yet, they are expected to be babysitters and teach children life lessons that definitely should be taught and/or reinforced at home and are not. I’ll leave that there for another blog in itself because I could go on for days on that topic!


(2) Behavior in the classrooms:

With the classrooms being overcrowded, this means more desks in closer proximity to each other, and ultimately tempts students to socialize more. If class sizes were small, then the idea of personal space is granted. When your personal space is invaded then that increases emotions and tempers, which can lead into arguments and disrupting the learning that is supposed to be taking place. Just imagine teaching and one side conversation starts or some sort of disturbance happens, the teacher stops to address it and now the focus has shifted. This now leads to more incidents happening in the classroom.

Let’s not even begin to discuss how the classrooms have shifted from the students being required to respect the teacher to now the teacher has to walk around on eggshells. So in an overcrowded classroom, it is hard to separate students and it gives them more of a “stage” to misbehave, get attention, and cause disruptions.


(3) Update Supplies, Materials, and Technology:

If the classrooms are overcrowded, then where can you house a computer station for the students to use? Equipment for experiments for a science lab won’t fit? With funding constantly being reduced, monies are not spent updating textbooks or technology. Typically the computer lab or library will get updated but they will not accommodate the entire school and they have to be reserved as first come first serve. Or shared small amounts of iPads or tablets that they house in a central location that also has to be reserved on a first come first serve basis. So how can you prepare and educate our future without dated materials?


(4) Morale and Quality of Teachers:

Teaching is already a stressful job that many take for granted but lets just recap in case you missed:

  • you have teaching in a crowded area,

  • hardly any support of funding,

  • low pay with no true raises,

  • having to be financial responsible for buying necessities for your class that SHOULD be provided,

  • dealing with unnecessary behavioral problems,

  • unhelpful and unsupportive parents,

  • and lastly dealing with the lack of support or backing from your school board and the administration in your school

This all adds up to one thing… STRESS!

All of this and we haven’t even taken into account everyday life stresses but as we all know, teachers are expected to not have a life outside of school. (If you can’t tell that statement about teachers not having a life was pure sarcasm.)

Teachers spend most of their time in the classroom, so if the classroom is overcrowded, there is no personal space for the teacher and whatever space he or she has is taken up by making room for other things that need to be in the classroom. I don’t think all of this puts teachers in a good space to go out and seize the day and teach at their best levels.

Oh, let me also mention, that the education field is not as respected as it should be. You have so many “teachers” becoming teachers only because it is a “guaranteed job and paycheck.” So it’s not in their heart to really make a difference in the lives of children and they really don’t care. This makes it hard for those teachers who really love what they do and have a passion for it. They have to overcompensate for what is not taught and what the students should have learned. Put this person in an overcrowded classroom, with behavior problems, and outdated materials, what exactly do you think will be accomplished? Can you say even more stress and frustration for teachers actually trying to teach in these conditions?

So all in all, overcrowded classrooms effects so much and this is an issue that seriously needs to be addressed ASAP! This is our future generations at stake. Education needs to be taken more seriously in our country. There are many countries that have large size classes but they have the necessary and update materials, their communities and school systems support them, the students are expected to attend school and strive for the best, they are REQUIRED to respect their teachers or a major consequence is given, parents are present, supportive, and helpful, and the environment as a whole is completely different. So everyone is able thrive in his or her designated roles in a school system.

We need to focus less on cutting our education funds, making sure students can pass tests and place more focus on really preparing our youth, assisting them in really learning what is necessary, preparing them for the real world and not failure, fixing this overcrowding issue, and giving our teacher the respect and pay they need and deserve!

Teachers, I salute you and respect all of you who give your all each day despite the lack of pay, respect, gratitude, support, and love you deserve!

Pointing Fingers

On November 16, 2017, I did a Facebook live video on Pointing Fingers and how we may be self-sabotaging ourselves and your successes. Allowing negative people, naysayers, haters, and/or enemies/frienemies stop us. This is a must watch!!

FroDayATL Events

We are crowned in Curls, Kinks, and Coils!

I was suppose to write all about Fro Day Atlanta on Tuesday and then plans went into place to meet up one more time for food and skating. So of course I had to wait to recap it all!

It’s actually pretty funny how this all happened. I am hardly ever, well dang near never, on Twitter and my son was telling me how I needed to really use Twitter more. He made my page public and showed me all about re-tweeting, liking posts, and even how to make posts. So I was on Twitter about 2 or 3 days later and I follow the awesome Nia The Light, A.K.A. Fro Girl Ginny, and her post popped up about being in Los Angeles. So I called my son and I said, “Ok, I am going to like and comment on this post.” I told him what I was going to put and of course he laughed at me… but I got my chance to laugh at him when Nia replied and from there we had a quick Twitter convo. I found out she was going to come to Atlanta, host an event sponsored by Deva Curl, and at that moment I did a happy dance and laughed in my son’s face.

Now fast forward and I haven’t been on Snapchat in about a week or two. My mom sent me a message to show my daughter and I decided to just scroll through the feed. Up pops Nia’s message about being in Atlanta and purchasing the tickets to the FroDayATL event because they were selling fast. Of course I immediately clicked on the link and purchased my ticket. When I say this event sold out fast, it sold out FAST. I sent my friends the link and by the time they click on it, there were no more tickets left.

You would’ve thought I was getting ready to go on a first date. I picked out like 3 outfits, my hair had to be perfect and I was close to redoing it, my jewelry had to be on point, and then I was good to go. Excited doesn’t describe what I was feeling. THEN I hit Atlanta traffic and was beginning to get bummed. The time was ticking fast, navigation was rerouting me to avoid all the traffic delays, and I quickly realized I was going to be late. Noooo… not late for Fro Day and finally being able to meet Nia and all the curly girls. Finally, I made it! I walked around the corner of Luna Loca restaurant and all I saw was a sea of diverse beauty! All kinds of curls, kinks, and coils of different colors, sizes, shapes, lengths, and then there was Nia standing in a flowy yellow dress with her famous big and bouncy curly hair.

I immediately felt all kinds of emotions; I was excited, nervous, anxious, and giddy. Nia greeted everyone with a hug and smile and then I felt a sense of relief, comfort and positivity. My adrenaline was now calming down from the rush of trying to get there and being late. I took my seat, grabbed my goody bag, made some small talk, and then it was time to start the event. This 20 yr. old made an impression on me that I didn’t expect. Her openness, honesty, her spirit is well beyond her age. I wasn’t sure what to fully expect when I met Nia because of her following and status. I’ve met many people who are standoffish and distant but she was the total opposite.  We were able to mingle with each other, take tons of photos with Nia and each other, makes connections and new curl friends, learn about yourself and do a quick reflection, pick Nia’s brain and ask questions, and then get 2 Deva Curl products (Deep Sea Repair strengthening mask and SuperCream Curl Styler). I can’t wait to try them!

Now for Fro Day Atlanta part 2… let’s just say it was good to just laugh, chill, and in a sense bring out my inner child and just let my hair down. We met up at Fellini’s and had pizza. This was my first time eating here and it won’t be my last. We sat around, had good convos, learned a little more about each other, had some laughs, and even had a digital tour of Zimbabwe from Nia’s phone.  Next stop was skating at Cascade Fun Center and I am not a roller skater. Give me some rollerblades and I will skate all over that rink but roller skates are another beast. I wasn’t by myself… LOL! We had a blast dancing to the music, being amazed at all of the skate groups and their routines and tricks, laughed some more, took more pictures, and Nia learned to skate! It was her first time roller-skating.

The feeling from Fro Day Atlanta’s was like we were all different yet the same and that seemed to unite us in an extraordinary way. I loved meeting at the wonderful natural and curly ladies, and of course finally meeting Nia! I loved seeing all of the gorgeous curls, kinks, and coils. I loved making new Curlfriends and we have planned to stay in contact with each other. BIG thanks to Nia and Deva Curl for making this event happen. I am so glad that I attended Fro Day Atlanta!

Our Children Are Important! Please read and share!

As we all know social media is big in people's lives, from pre-teens to teenagers, and adults of all ages. Even though social media is used for many positive reasons, there are some downsides to it as well. There are also people who participate in social media that use the platforms to cause harm to others.

This brings me to the purpose of this email. I just wanted you all to be aware of the most recent challenge hitting social media and pre-teens and teens are participating in it. It is called the Blue Whale Challenge.  My husband and I actually spoke with our children about this new challenge last night and I felt as if I needed to inform the Swirl Girl subscribers.

The Blue Whale Challenge is not new to social media because it's been around for about 2 years. It originated in Russia and is known as the online suicide challenge. It has now made it's way here to the United States! 

Those who accept the challenge and actually participate will be given 50 tasks (or challenges) to complete in 50 days, which ultimately leads to them committing suicide on day 50. Some sources have stated that the curator of the 50 challenges actually let the participant know up front that they will die in 50 days and some just let the challenges intensify and finally inform the participate that they will kill themselves. 

Some officials and researchers are still speculating whether the Blue Whale Challenge game is legitimate, or if it’s an online hoax. However, when the parents dig deeper into the suicide of their child, they find the blue whale, the blue whale challenge postings and hashtags, and the 50 day challenge itself. So according to the parents, this is very real!



According to CNN, a 16 year old from Atlanta, GA, committed suicide because of this challenge. There was also a 15 year old in Texas that committed suicide because of this same challenge. For more information on the challenge and the link to the story on cnn.com is here

Below is one image of some of the challenges they are having the participants do. Please note, this is only one example.

Please familiarize yourself with the challenge in addition to what information I am providing you with now.


I wanted to bring awareness to this because suicide is growing so fast amongst children nowadays. It's so heartbreaking to hear the parents say they had no idea, there were no signs, and/or they would have never thought their child would kill themselves. 

According to CNN, "Suicide is the third-leading cause of death among Americans age 10 to 14 and the second among people 15 to 34, according to 2015 statistics from the US Centers for Disease Control and Prevention."

Whether a hoax or not, let's protect our children and have the necessary talk with them about this challenge but suicide as well. Even monitoring our child(ren)'s social media even more because there are "sick" individuals out there preying on our babies and we have to protect them, prepare them, and equip them with the right mindset.

For the site where I got this image and more info on kids and social media, click here.

I hope this has helped and please share this information with those you love and who have children.

April is Financial Literacy Month: "Can I Pay Off Debt?"

Do you or someone you know have debt? Tired of letting debt control your life and decisions? Need some tips, strategies, and resources to start the process? Watch this video that covers 2 strategies, 7 easy tips/steps, and 2 resources that you can use during your "Get Out of Debt" process. 
 

April is Financial Literacy Month: Are Holidays Taking Over?

Does it seem like you have more Holiday than Money each month? Are preparing for these events each month putting a dent in your pocket? Or do you strategically prepare for them each month?

Watch this video on how Capitalism and Big Businesses are getting in our heads and 3 tips I have on how to not let holiday's take over your life.


Self-Doubt: I Can Overcome It!

There is a well-known saying that a lot of people can agree with… “We are our own worst critic.” I am the type of person who is very hard on myself and I can openly admit that I am my own worst critic. We are all human and whether we are very emotional or very stoic, we have days when we may question different aspects of our life. Some people also refuse to acknowledge that they ever question anything about their lives and claim to have it all together. Which is not true. If this was the case, no one would learn and grow. Some may question their careers, living situation, financial situation, relationship/relationship status, and goals, just to name a few. From these topics we may start to ask ourselves, “Am I doing enough? Is this where I want to be? How did I get here? Am I happy? Why are things happening for others and not me? Am I good enough?” These questions and thoughts could lead to more and eventually end up making us begin to doubt our abilities and ourselves. From time to time, as women, we try to do so much, get so stressed out trying to handle it all, that we begin to feel like we are doing so much for others and not enough for us. Then we beat ourselves up for not doing for us and this could eventually lead to asking whether or not we are even worth doing for ourselves because we have no time, energy, or mind space. If you can agree with any of the above or know someone who can, I introduce you to self-doubt.

Self- doubt, according to Webster-Merriam and FreeDictionary.com respectively, is “a feeling of doubt about one's own abilities or actions. A lack of faith or confidence in oneself; lack of confidence in one's own motives, ability, etc.” Self-Doubt can have two affects on a person. It can drive them to perform better and grow because they know they can do better or it can bring a person down and make them stagnant or even lead to depression and feeling inadequate. The later is believed to happen more. I will be the first to admit that I have experience both and even let it control me to the point of not perusing goals, standing up for myself and what I believe, and to even staying in relationships or friendships a lot longer than I know I should have. My own self-doubt led me to put on my dream of this website on hold for over 7 years! I have another blog (or vlog – which is a video or recorded blog) that will go into more details of that. 

There are 8 tips that I used to help me overcome self-doubt and even deal with it head on when it rears its ugly face again. Oh yes, self-doubt will pop up again and again throughout your life and if you do these tips, you can put self-doubt back in its place and show it who is stronger… YOU!

8 Tips to Overcoming Self-Doubt

They are in the form of “I” statements for a reason. We have to ingrain it in our brains that “I” can do something. “I” statements allow us to begin taking the responsibility for our growth and ourselves. So I am helping you take the first step in your process! Remember we take this journey together!

1. I must recognize and admit that I’m actually doubting myself! 
    Once you can catch that you are doing it, you can redirect yourself to get away from it. You cannot grow and/or change if you stay in denial.

2. I will start my day with positive affirmations. 
    This helps to gear your mind in a positive and encouraged direction from the start of each day. You can repeat these throughout the day, as needed, especially when unpleasant situations arise. 

    ** Remind yourself each morning by looking in the mirror and saying this out loud, “HE MADE ME IN HIS OWN IMAGE AND I AM WORTH IT!” Yes, you are worth it!

3. I will change my surroundings and the people I hang around. 
    You have to be cautious and beware of naysayers! If you are trying to move in a positive direction and upward growth, you cannot continue to spend a vast majority of your time with people who want to belittle you and keep you in a place and space you know you do not need to be. The people you hang around should also want to see you improve and they should want to grow as well. There is a saying my husband use to say, “If you can’t change the people you hang around, change the people you hang around.” At first it didn’t makes sense but when I finally understood what it meant, it was like a light bulb lit up. If you cannot make a positive impact on the people you hang around or if they can’t do that for you, then change the people you hang around. Pointblank period. AND know this is ok to do. 

4. I will begin the process of not comparing myself to others. 
    Oh, this one right here was probably one of the HARDEST ones for me! I am not sure if you can relate to this but I would look at others and ask why do they have so much and not me, what is it that I am not doing that they are because everything seems to be going right, or why does it seem to come so easy for them and not me? Comparing yourself to others makes you feel even more inadequate and ultimately makes you stagnant. You begin to find more faults and make more excuses. You will give up or not go after whatever your heart desires with that extra oomph. Please, please, please remember that you do not always know the full story of what it took for them to be where they are and even if you think you do, their success is not your success. My pastor once said, “God will give it to you when you’re ready for it. You see if you got it too early, you wouldn’t know how to appreciate it or keep it.” All in all, compare YOU to YOU! 

5. I will Remove, Relax, and Regroup.
    When you have those “off” days, it is ok to take the time to remove yourself from situations. If it is at home, with friends, even at work, it is ok to take a breather from whatever it is. Go to the bathroom, walk outside, take a different route home, but remove yourself from wherever you are that is throwing you off. Use this time to relax, whether it be a few deep breathes, a moment to meditate, take a jog, see a movie, listen to music, or whatever. Make sure it relaxes you and takes your mind off of whatever is throwing you off. Then, regroup and go tackle it head on. With a refreshed mind you can complete the task, face the person, knock out your goal, push yourself a little further, etc. Just do not take days and days off. Let your “remove and relax” time period be for that moment. Remember the longer you take, the harder it is to get back on track and “regroup”.

6. I will read and/or listen to positive material each day.
    While I am taking a shower, I will play a positive message from an audiobook or podcast, or listen to uplifting music. There are daily passages you can read in apps and tons of books that have daily passages or devotionals that you read each day. Play it in your car as your drive to work, drop your children off at school, etc. You need to feed your mind and spirit with as much positivity that you can. I even suggest talking to someone on a professional level. There are a lot of cultures that think negatively on speaking to therapists or counselors but please know that they are there for unbiased feedback. You also speak to them about the positivity in your life. Some people only believe the professionals are there to help with negative issues. There could be a bigger rooted cause for your self-doubt and once it is addressed, this could catapult your growth process.

7. I will reward myself for my accomplishments.
    You have to reward yourself for making strides. Set a goal, start small, go for it, accomplish it, and give yourself a reward! For example, you can say for 2 weeks I will go to the gym 3 times a week. Once you have done that, celebrate yourself. It doesn’t have to always be a reward that costs money. It can be a spa day, some ice-cream, sleeping in on your day off, a new pair of shoes, going to a movie, a pat on the back, a girls day out, etc. Whatever you like to do. 

    You have to also realize that if you do not accomplish something, failing does not make you a failure. You grow and learn from failing. DO NOT beat yourself up. If you do, this starts the cycle of self-doubt all over again. Failing or setbacks are a part of life and you should use them to help make corrections, strive for better, and actually learn better skills to master it next time. Think about all of the inventors or successful people in general. They did not create those inventions on the first try and they did not become successful immediately without any failures or setbacks. So don’t quit and FORGIVE yourself. 

8. I will have Faith with Action!
    As the Bible states, “faith is the substance [assurance] of things hoped for, the evidence of things not seen” (Hebrews 11:1). Did you know that doubt is the opposite of faith? Have faith and believe that God, or the higher being that you believe in, will bless you. Have faith in yourself that you can do what you are striving for. Faith gives you strength and courage to continue in the good and the bad.

    It takes more than just faith, hope, and believing. It takes action, work, and power. It also states in the Bible that, “…faith without works is dead….” (James 2:26). If you do not put in the work, the action, and the power, then you cannot create the change and the improvement you seek. Not to get overly spiritual but I do believe that all that I have been through and overcome has been a result of my faith and works, along with the support of others who want to see me become better and grow. There is something about this belief and faith that is indescribable and it gives you a power to dig deep and allow you to pull out strength that you never knew you had, to be able endure what you never thought you could. 

Overcoming self-doubt will not happen overnight; it may not even happen in a month or a year. It all depends on you and the stick-to-it-ness that you have. It depends on your consistency and your support system. It depends on how bad you want change and to better yourself, not only for your family, children, and friends but also for YOU. It depends on how tired you are of being tired and not accomplishing what you want (no matter how big or small). You have to have more faith than fear! 

Today is the day you begin to overcome the mental immobility of self-doubt. Today is the day that you begin your journey by taking small steps and increasing them as you grow. Today is the day that you begin to believe and have faith that you can do it and that you are worth it… because YOU CAN and YOU ARE! 


For more information on my outfit in the picture about, head over to the Fashion section under the "Swirl" tab or click here.